urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid adventures of a reluctant activist vrijheid 2005-06-23T05:01:59Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:4841 2005-06-23T05:00:14Z 2005-06-23T05:01:59Z What can I say - definitely going through my Saturn Return.<br /><br />My daughter had bacterial meningitis. She's okay. It was by far the most frightening experience of my life. She had a high fever (103.6) and I took her to an after hours place that could not determine the problem. They ended up giving her antibiotics for a possible but unconfirmed ear infection. 2 days later, the fevers were still high and I knew something was just not right. My pediatrician thought her neck seemed stiff and sent us to the emergency room at Children's Primary. I was so terrified it was meningitis. I was scared about the spinal tap. I was scared she would die. I was scared she'd be damaged forever. Such a bright spark - I just couldn't imagine her with brain damage. She is so brilliant. So bright and so advanced. I was so scared I would lose her. They tested her for urinary tract infection, as well as ear infection - and then they did the tap. They gave her something to calm her, as well as something they said would erase the memory. She was funny and goofy, but when the nurses grabbed her body and forced it into the fetal position, she still had a smile on her face as she whimpered to me "Help". I don't think I have ever felt as helpless at that moment than any other. I just kept telling her it would be ok. She fought. God I just felt so helpless. I just wanted her to feel safe and there was nothing I could do. <br /><br />The fluid from her spine was clear. That was a good sign. I thought we'd be going home that night. <br /><br />The tests came back that her white blood count in her spinal fluid was abnormally high but not outrageously so. As if she had partially treated meningitis - thank you antibiotics for the undiagnosed ear infection. I was kicking myself for that and yet now I see it was a blessing. It was partially treated and it looks like we staved off permanent damage.<br /><br />Two days in the hospital, they determined we could go home with a picc line (permanent IV). Putting that in was a very similar process as the spinal tap as far as the same drugs and trying to keep her calm. I sang to her the entire time. The doctors said they wished they could bottle my voice and love. I did fine until she started to bleed. My knees buckled and I about passed out. The doctor got me a chair and I made sure I couldn't see her arm and resumed my singing.<br /><br />If I can give you any message, it is this.<br /><br />You are blessed.<br /><br />Relish in the love you have, both given and received. Relish in it. It goes by fast and really, all that matters is the love we share. RELISH in it.<br /><br />And now on to another saturn return issue.<br /><br />I just figured out what I want to be when I grow up and after real estate school and dreams of making big bucks running around expensive new homes selling them to dreamy eyed couples, I figured out I would much rather get Democrats online. I have applied for a job at the State Democratic Party. This is only phase 1 though. I want to produce software with my dad for the Dem party as well, donating a portion of the profits to www.pdamerica.org. It feels so good finally knowing what I want and being of service to what I believe in.<br /><br />This has been long enough so I'll close this. I'll post soon on my cleanse (9 days, 9 pounds lost, sleeping better, clear mind) I promise. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:4518 2005-04-15T03:12:42Z 2005-04-15T03:15:19Z I am managing 1 campaign and volunteering for 2 more. <br /><br />I am the manager for Craig Axford for Utah State Democratic Chair: <a href="http://www.axfordforchair.org">http://www.axfordforchair.org</a> (as well as webmaster and internet outreach) and volunteering for Laura Bonham for Utah State Democratic Vice Chair: <a href="http://www.lauraforvicechair.com">http://www.lauraforvicechair.com</a> (I am her webmaster and internet outreach) as well as volunteering my internet outreach to Charles Kimball for Salt Lake County Chair of the Democratic Party. <br /><br />BUSY. <br /><br />VERY.<br /><br />I'm tired but inspired. I feel really positive about the outcome of all of the above races. We'll celebrate Charles's victory on Saturday, and I expect a similar party on May 7th for both Craig and Laura.<br /><br />I will be glad when it's over so I can pour more energy into my family, but I must say I am enjoying this ride. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:4187 2004-12-03T05:18:12Z 2004-12-03T05:46:16Z God where do I start.<br /><br />I've had a few glasses of wine. That's probably the best thing to start with.<br /><br />I am hopeful. Hard to believe, right? Not if you see the mainstream media for what it truly is - a mouthpiece for the government owned by about 5 very rich white men. Let me just say this. UKRAINE = USA.<br /><br />Things are happening.<br /><br />Past that, I am feeling my age and it's okay. I remember thinking 30 was ancient. Now I am grateful for those who shared any part of my wild and silly stupid youth (<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/androit/">http://www.livejournal.com/users/androit/</a> - thanks for your share of time). <br /><br />We grow up when we say we do. I'm glad I didn't know that at 17.<br /><br />I am ready to grow up now. Funny. I am a mother of a 4 year old and a 2 year old and NOW I am ready to grow up. <br /><br />I have learned that the most powerful emotion is that of being overwhelmed. I am in a state of bliss when I am overwhelmed with love. I realize now that any situation that brings about a feeling of being overwhelmed, is one where my love is overwhelming me. When I see the pictures of Iraqi children with limbs missing and blood dried onto their bodies, I am overwhelmed. It could be taken at face value as sadness, but I realize it goes beyond that. It's this overwhelming love I have for this one that could be my own that is tearing me apart.<br /><br />In this tragic horrid reality...<br /><br />How beautiful it is to be overwhelmed with love for humanity itself.<br /><br />We are one. As soon as we realize this - as soon as we drop dehuminizing one another - as soon as we connect - we are again whole. <br /><br />Don't doubt for a second my love for humanity.<br /><br />God bless the music makers.<br /><br />"Come on, oh my star is fading<br />I swerve out of control<br />If I, If I'd only waited<br />I'd not be stuck here in this hole.<br /><br />Come here, oh my star is fading<br />And I swerve out of control<br />And I swear I waited and waited<br />I've got to get out of this hole<br /><br />But time, is on your side<br />It's on your side, now<br />I'm pushing you down<br />And all around<br />It's no cause for concern..<br /><br />Come on, oh my star is fading<br />And I see, no chance of release<br />And I'm dead on the surface<br />But I'm screaming underneath<br /><br />And time is on your side<br />It's on your side, now<br />I'm pushing you down<br />And all around<br />Oh, It's no cause for concern<br /><br />Stuck on the end of this ball and chain<br />And I'm on my way back down.<br /><br />Stood on the edge<br />Tied to a noose<br />Sick to the stomach<br />You can say what you mean<br />But it won't change a thing<br />I'm sick of the secrets<br />Stood on the edge, tied to a noose<br />and you came along but you cut me loose<br />You came along and you cut me loose<br />You came along and you cut me loose<br /><br />-Amsterdam by Coldplay" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:3972 2004-09-25T04:51:51Z 2004-09-25T15:42:33Z It's just not wise. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:3714 2004-09-13T04:47:34Z 2004-09-13T04:47:34Z I shouldn't be updating a journal but I need to.<br /><br />God if I just had some fucking device to plug into my brain that could pour what I needed to write about here I would be saved (and rich). <br /><br />I am better than ever. I am awake which makes everything seem out of reach. Does that make sense?<br /><br />You know, I'm going to continue this tomorrow. I just pray I'm awake enough for a little fun with my husband before I hit unconscious. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:3342 2004-09-07T20:14:31Z 2004-09-07T20:14:31Z Wow it's been awhile.<br /><br />I'm working on a 2 week cold. I'm also preparing for a 9/11 event. The house is in bad shape but I've hired a company to clean the carpets and the rest of the house before the AMAZING Tom English arrives (who is performing at the event. He's staying with me. Gotta get this house in shape.<br /><br />My son is 4 years old. That blows my mind. My daughter turns 2 next month. Another mind blower. My babies aren't babies. <br /><br />I feel like crap but just wanted to pop in. In case anyone is listening. Heh.<br /><br />*sniffle cough*<br /><br />ta ta! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:3214 2004-06-16T18:31:12Z 2004-06-16T20:00:20Z I'm sorry I've not been myself<br />But I had to go within<br />I had to pad myself with my cocoon<br />I had to wrap myself in those layers<br />I had to push everything out<br />Until I was forced to look in.<br /><br />I had to experience the binding<br />until I was too claustrophobic to be bound.<br />I had to experience the loneliness<br />until I realized I'm never alone.<br />I had to feel the weight<br />until the desire to be free was great enough.<br /><br />I'm done. My wings are gorgeous, yet I've not yet seen their splendor.<br />They are still gaining strength as I push myself to be free.<br />They are still working their way out of the cocoon. <br />And it is exactly as it should be.<br /><br />Thank you for waiting<br />For your patience and love<br />Your acceptance<br /><br />The gestation is over.<br />The pain of my birth is now.<br />Every moment of struggle is worth<br />The freedom that awaits me as I finally emerge. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:3021 2004-05-28T15:47:26Z 2004-05-28T15:47:26Z Bandaids are to kids what tattoos are to adults. Only easier to remove.<br /><br />I love this:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail43.html">http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail43.html</a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:2594 2004-05-26T20:56:49Z 2004-11-20T05:47:43Z <a href="http://www.mp3shits.com/download/download.php?skey=0cb4f7a4d6c872c86bc445b0dda4d103&key=31455">http://www.mp3shits.com/download/download.php?skey=0cb4f7a4d6c872c86bc445b0dda4d103&key=31455</a><br /><br />Come on, oh my star is fading<br />I swerve out of control<br />If I, If I'd only waited<br />I'd not be stuck here in this hole.<br /><br />Come here, oh my star is fading<br />And I swerve out of control<br />And I swear I waited and waited<br />I've got to get out of this hole<br /><br />But time, is on your side<br />It's on your side, now<br />I'm pushing you down<br />And all around<br />It's no cause for concern..<br /><br />Come on, oh my star is fading<br />And I see, no chance of release<br />And I'm dead on the surface<br />But I'm screaming underneath<br /><br />And time is on your side<br />It's on your side, now<br />I'm pushing you down<br />And all around<br />Oh, It's no cause for concern<br /><br />Stuck on the end of this ball and chain<br />And I'm on my way back down.<br /><br />Stood on the edge<br />Tied to a noose<br />Sick to the stomach<br />You can say what you mean<br />But it won't change a thing<br />I'm sick of the secrets<br />Stood on the edge, tied to a noose<br />and you came along but you cut me loose<br />You came along and you cut me loose<br />You came along and you cut me loose<br /><br />-Amsterdam by Coldplay urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:2353 2004-05-15T05:36:54Z 2004-05-15T13:47:37Z Hallo allemaal!<br /> <br />Sophie was naar de kinderarts geweest. Zij is erg dun maar normaal lengte. <br /> <br />Haar woordenschat is 100 woorden over wat gemiddelde voor een kind van haar<br />leeftijd is! Zij heeft 110 woorden!<br /> <br />this <br />that<br />there<br />banana<br />vitamins<br />apple<br />milk<br />please<br />thank you<br />bunny<br />up<br />down<br />poop<br />dance <br />yes<br />no<br />mommy<br />papa<br />lekker<br />eten<br />hands<br />help<br />stuck<br />blues clues (een televisie prograama)<br />circle<br />ball<br />triangle<br />nose<br />car<br />shirt<br />pants<br />socks<br />shoes<br />candle<br />kitty cat<br />horse<br />puppy/dog<br />pretty<br />grandpa<br />mittie (haar grandma)<br />night night<br />hi<br />bye<br />ok<br />nap<br />moon<br />sun<br />chicken<br />cheese<br />two<br />where are you?<br />there it is!<br />sorry<br />go go go (als ze ergens naartoe willen gaan)<br />plane<br />choo choo (voor trein)<br />wow<br />ta-da<br />I'm done<br />mess<br />broken<br />shower<br />bubble bath<br />snow<br />I love you<br />hug<br />owie <br />hot<br />coffee<br />cup<br />bubbles<br />elmo<br />teeth<br />open<br />close<br />baby<br />tree<br />bird<br />carrots<br />broccoli <br />bread<br />duck<br />quack<br />arf arf<br />book<br />boat<br />spider<br />bug<br />ice cream<br />yogurt<br />bonk <br />kiss<br />jump<br />yucky<br />helicopter<br />bear<br />balloon<br />coat<br />window<br />chai (een drank)<br />blanket<br />water<br />oh no!<br />again<br />cookie<br />cracker<br />table<br />toes<br />light<br />hat<br /><br /> <br />:)<br /> <br />Veel liefde!<br /> <br />Groetjes! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:1885 2004-05-02T17:09:23Z 2004-05-03T13:49:50Z <div align="center"><img src="http://www.laura04.com/cartoon.jpg" width="400" height="267"> <br /></div><br /><a href="http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/editorial/index.html">http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/editorial/index.html</a><br /><br />-- urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:1731 2004-04-18T04:35:05Z 2004-04-18T04:35:05Z I am obsessed with 2 things. <br /><br />Kucinich (what can I say, never could let go)<br /><br />and Iron Giant toys. I scour e-bay daily for their remote control walking iron giant, the power hero, and the ultimate iron giant. I got this stupid 4" figure because I'm cheap and these fuckers are expensive, for my son for Christmas. He lost it. I got him another and bought a spare just in case (and because I've learned how valuable these things are). If you haven't seen the 1999 Iron Giant movie, go now and see it. Do it. Now. It's my son's favorite and I have to say, it's right up there for me too. Truly brilliant and entertaining, and I cry at the end every time. ANYWAY. I digress. I really want one of the Trendmaster toys (originally $8, $20 and $30) for my son. They go for $30-50, $50-90, and $100-300 now, depending on the version.<br /><br />I am going now.<br /><br />By the way, you'll hear dark shit here but it's because this is where I put it. Not to worry in case you do.<br /><br />Groetjes<br />ME urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:1392 2004-04-16T04:10:00Z 2004-04-16T04:10:00Z So it hurts every time I blink.<br /><br />My hair is maroon and short.<br /><br />I think my eye matches my hair.<br /><br />So here's the thing. I'm yet again participating in behaviors that are self destructive but the kicker is, I am fully aware of it. Excuses aside. It's like watching a movie. Because it's different, I figure this is progress. Besides, I've let go of so many non-healthy habits recently that I figure this has to be a healthy change (at least in attitude). <br /><br />My son drives me crazy and after he's in bed, I regret my attitude with him from the day. We did have one very endearing moment when we'd been harsh with one another (he's just 3.5), and I said to him I was sad. He said he was too. I said we should hug then. What a fucking great hug. <br /><br />My daughter looked at me today and said, "Guns.". I said "What?" "Guns." she repeated. "Guns?" I said, "Yes." she replied. She's 1.5. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:1147 2004-04-15T04:28:34Z 2004-06-25T18:52:34Z FUCKING MERCURY.<br /><br />I swear to GAWD every time Mercury goes retrograde, I fight with those I care about the most. No juicy details shall follow but I will say, all is well again.<br /><br />Who knew he thought I didn't love him.<br /><br />WOW.<br /><br />Ok so that one detail.<br /><br />One more.<br /><br />I not only love him, I adore him - still get butterflies in my stomach thinking of him after 6 years.<br /><br />Where am I?<br /><br />Cleaning up.<br /><br />I am a vegetarian now. Have been for about a month or two. Like smoking, I didn't mark the day I quit. I have also been working on 3 paid sites. It's been horrid as I've not had any inspiration but got bit in the ass with some just today. Woot, there is a whole new set of energy now! What else... <br /><br />We all have some form of the sickies. Kids do that to you. Damnit. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:867 2004-04-12T03:51:51Z 2004-04-12T03:51:51Z this heart has been bled dry.<br /><br />I don't think I have one more tear to cry.<br /><br />You've reduced me to dust.<br /><br />It stings. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:vrijheid:336 2004-04-10T03:27:25Z 2004-04-10T03:27:25Z This is my first livejournal entry. I used to have a journal elsewhere, but closed up shop when I became less anonymous than I'd like to be. Lesson learned - the real personal stuff needs to be kept in a real personal journal and truly kept anonymous. It didn't bite me in the ass, but it could have. Some things I'd rather not people know about me. Not that there are any secrets in the universe. <br /><br />If I have to share everything, I'll keep separate journals. I'm a chicken shit that way.